Sunday, July 24, 2011

Saying So Long Family and I CAN do It

Dear Readers, 
I'm not usually a complainer; I promise you that, but things are bad and my family is just making things worse and worse. When I turn to them for support they accuse me of doing it for attention, of being crazy, and to top it all of, they blamed my horrible ER experience last night on me
    I guess I should tell you what's going on: I'm having severe acid reflux; I can't even drink water and I haven't been able to eat for 3 days. I've lost 7 pounds. I have severe heart burn. I'm doing everything "right" and nothing helps. 
     When I spoke to my various family members the defense they used for it all being "attention-seeking behaivor" was me never having mentioned it before. Hmmm...I wonder why???I'm sure the astronauts saw  that one coming from space last week! I don't ever mention anything, any pain or physical issue unless it is absolutely intolerable; I deal with it because I know the reaction I'll get. Did I mention I come from a family of doctors? Seriously. 
    Stress makes things worse, no doubt about it which is why I've decided to go it alone. I'll have the GI guy (not GI Joe though that would be flippin' awesome!) call my dad and tell him the results. 
     I really wanted a normal relationship with my family for once in my 22 years. I tried so hard. But the fact that I spent the night in the ER alone said it all. 
    Whoever said when it rains it pours had it right (well...and wrong because obviously it drizzles a lot in Florida and Seattle). This whole situation makes me miss the man I was a caregiver for. He passed away in December and I miss him every day. He was my family, my adoptive dad, and everything I ever dreamed of in a family member: unconditionally loving and accepting , supportive; he assumed the best (not the worst), he always had time for me, and he emailed me every day even though our entire time together was spent with him dying of Lou Gehrig's disease. He believed in me more than I believed in myself and he brought me out of one of the darkest times of my life. He told me that I was everything he could ever want but never have in a daughter. =)
    So, I will feel better and I will graduate from college with honors and I will get into medical school despite my family's total belief that I will not. I will do it for myself and I will do it for my Adoptive Dad. I will do it for everyone who is in pain, who is suffering alone or is afraid. I will accomplish my goals and see my dreams realized. I will become the best doctor I can bee. i believe in me.
     And now to go down some tums, try to drink some water and study for class tomorrow in the bath tub! 
Viva la resistance! Lol

Sorry for the rant haha! I hope you stay tuned because I'm not usually falling apart at the seams! 

-Lalalalava Juice

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